How to Build Resilience and Beat Stress

Overcome the challenges of school and life, and get stronger in the process.

Resilience is the capacity to adapt to, and recover from, adversity. Resilience is a critical skill to develop as you move through your post-secondary education. Workplace Strategies for Mental Health (WSMH) has shared a number of ideas on developing both personal and academic resilience. Here are the big takeaways. You can find their full report, From Surviving to Thriving (FST) (pdf) here.

Notice Your Automatic Stress Responses

The first step to building resilience is noticing how you respond to stress. When we're stressed, we often default to certain reactions. You might feel exhausted, tense, flushed, or irritable — and these are just physical responses. FST (pdf) lists many common physical, emotional, and behavioural stress responses, including potential impacts of each. Of course, check with a doctor to be sure you're not suffering any underlying health issues. If not, you're probably just stressed. Reach out for help as soon as you can, whenever you feel like you need it.

You should also practice picking up on the automatic stress responses of others. No one's immune. You may come to realize that peoples' actions are not necessarily fundamental character traits, but responses to stress. Recognizing this in yourself and others can help you empathize and release stress.

Go For Healthier Practices

There are lots of stress-relieving practices out there, like mindfulness and gratitude practice. Unfortunately, no single strategy works for everyone, so you'll have to experiment to find what fits you. Give activities like meditation an honest try — you never know what you might respond to. Try writing down your thoughts and feelings, going for a long, quiet walk, or playing sports. School is a busy time, so when you're stuck at your desk, consider some of WSMH's Healthy Break Activities to give yourself a moment to relax and reflect.

Recognize and Explore Your Stressors

Okay, so you've begun to notice how you respond to stress. Now take a look at the triggers. What brings on the stress response for you? Stressors come in all shapes, all sizes, and the things that stress you out might be a breeze for others. From exam stress, learning to live on your own, finding supportive friends to injury or disability, to tuition expenses, bullying, and fear of failure, there are plenty of potential stressors on campus and at home. Take stock of the activities and situations that put you on edge. Again, FST (pdf) has a great checklist to help you dig in and explore.

Dealing with Stress and Anxiety

Here, we turn to the 4 As, adapated from UChicago's Wellness site. The 4 As are Accept, Avoid, Alter, and Adapt. You may find you gravitate towards one or another, but they can all be valid strategies.

Accept means making peace with the things and people you can't change, and not trying to control the uncontrollable. You take on a deliberate stance to view challenges as opportunities for growth, and you share your feelings to reduce their power over you. Ultimately, you learn to forgive others and yourself, and move forward.

Avoid means establishing and sticking to boundaries, staying away from people and situations that stress you out. Use this strategy carefully: it's not always healthy to try to dodge your problems. That said, prioritizing your time and learning to say "no" can be valuable approaches to reducing the impact of stress.

Alter means changing your external environment so stress is reduced or removed. This includes not only your physical space, but your routines: what you take in, who you associate with, what you wear and where you go. Setting boundaries in your relationships and renegotiating your emotional playing ground can help you get a leg up on your stressors.

Adapt means working on your own internal monologue to change the way you look at stressors. Try to reframe problems in a positive light that makes you into an agent of change. Consider potential ramifications, and try to see the bigger picture. Perspective is important, so set reasonable, clear expectations for yourself and strive to meet them.

Be careful about "self-medicating" with food or drugs. They can be distracting, sure, but they don't address the problem head-on, let alone solve it. Change is tough — there's no easy fix.

Acknowledge the Need to Connect

You probably feel good when you help others, but do you feel good when asking for help? If not, why? Asking for help is a sign of courage and growing resilience. As human beings, we have a need for connection. Sometimes we need support, and sometimes we need to be supportive. Showing others that you need a hand helps them, too, because you demonstrate the power of reaching out. Of course, not everyone is equipped to help you all the time. If you strike out when approaching someone, don't get discouraged. Try someone else — it won't be long before you find someone ready and willing to connect.

Recognize and Play to Your Strengths

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. In times of adversity, it's much easier to rely on your strengths than rein in your weaknesses. Consider your (many!) positive traits, and how you might lean into them when stress mounts. Your failings? Who cares? Leap headlong into the things you do best. How can you use these strengths to deal with challenging situations? To learn more about your own capabilities, check out ViaMe.org for a short quiz that will help you identify your strengths.

Commit to Thriving

This is the real rubber-to-road moment. After lots of self-introspection, you're getting a sense of who you are and how you respond in stressful circumstances. Now's the time to commit to change. Reframe tough moments as opportunities to grow and improve. Take steps that you know are good for you, regardless of any dwindling motivation. Keep the 4 As in mind, and think about how they might make your stressors better or worse. Be conscious when you make mistakes: there's no shame in learning a hard lesson. Accept support when it's offered, and lend a hand when you can. Express your gratitude for those who have helped you along the way. And try not to get too hung up on negative thoughts. Make your "self-talk" more positive, and train your brain to be more resilient.

Change is never easy. You have to challenge yourself, and make peace with the fact that sometimes you'll fail. Look at these shortcomings as opportunities for personal growth. Share your commitment to change with others, and know that it'll take time and hard work. Get to know the resources available to you on- and off-campus, so if the time ever comes, you're prepared. Developing resilience is a noble, and ongoing, goal. Learn more about resilience from the WSMH.

If you're struggling with thoughts of self-harm, contact Crisis Services Canada toll-free at 1-833-456-4566, available 24/7.